random thoughts

Saturday, March 31, 2007

One of my friends gave all the girls who live in my house the names of the seven dwarfs since there are seven of us. I was labeled "Sneezy" by process of elimination. Apparently "Sarcastic-y" isn't one of them, so I get stuck being Sneezy.

Friday, March 30, 2007

I got 99 problems but a bitch is usually one.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

When you are allowed to play poker with the boys and hold your own to win second place, just know that they don't appreciate it when you shout "I won $10! And your manhood!" to everyone who lost.

Monday, March 26, 2007

If you're someone who likes surprises, don't clean up before leaving for spring break.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Sometimes a sharp stick in the eye starts to seem like a reasonable alternative.
If you're planning to leave cookie dough to make more cookies later-- danger. Those cookies may never arrive.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

If your backpack is black and your purse is black and your wallet is black and your bloodchecker is black, maybe you should look a little harder in your purse in your backpack for your bloodchecker before you set everyone into a panic looking for it. It may seem obvious, but it's not to some people. Gosh.
Yes, I consider rearranging stacks of paper to count as cleaning. It's easier than setting them on fire. I'll try that though.
I say potato, you say poTAHto. Quit it. Listen to how I'm saying it. Say it right.
I bet it's a bad sign if "your song" includes the chorus "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with".

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Money for nothing and marshmallow chicks for free.
I bet the Pussy Cat Doll's song "Loosen up my buttons" is not very well liked by home-ec teachers.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Cristyna: its sorta strange they call developing countries developing. they arent really. they're lagging a bit, no?

Me: who are you to measure their development
? some people develop later in life, late bloomers

Cristyna:
but i guess you cant call them shit countries or whatever.

Me:
hahahaaa you go in the random thoughts

Cristyna
:
yessss-- i finally accomplished something

Sunday, March 11, 2007

It's funny how one moment can make you realize that things you always took for granted might not have been what you thought they were. Turns out you can see into my bedroom window from the street. And this whole time I was worried I was an unfriendly neighbor.
Interesting how losing an hour of study time in the changing of the clocks makes me upset but I would play bust-a-move for a lot longer and never think twice. Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you got until it's an hour later.
Having to look up a word in the dictionary that someone uses in an internet conversation is a good time to realize that it may be necessary to study for the vocab section of the GRE.
Surprising that I didn't know "sardonic" of all words.
There's a reason I'm not looking to date 28 year olds.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

The more desperately I need to do laundry, the more embarrassed I would be to be rescued by the paramedics in an accident and have them view my underwear.
I think it's important to refrain from swearing habitually so that when you do it really holds weight. When I declare someone to be a [insert your favorite phrase of curses here], it should be taken as an official diagnosis.
There are some things you can do simultaneously to save time, but unfortunately showering and eating Peeps should not be coupled together for multitasking.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

"I don't know how he's survived this long," said the doctor, peering inside.
"Yes, it is curious," agreed the nurse, "there's no place for internal organs."
"He is actually just full of shit."

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

They should give purple hearts for angst.
There's a thin line between telling the honest truth and threatening.
Alanis should get a Nobel prize for all she has done for humanity.
If Hillary gets elected, maybe she'll see to that.
Hoping for more snow doesn't make you responsible for blizzards, does it?
Good, cuz I wouldn't take it back anyway.
There is no validation quite like a two-foot tall trophy.
A good friend consoles you after breakups.
A great friend offers to make letter bombs.
Good friends tell you there are more fish in the sea.
Great friends argue over who of them gets to be the rebound hookup.
It's an unfortunate coincidence that glucose tablets and Airborne come in similarly shaped containers. In the middle of the night when you're low blood sugar, make sure you are certain you are holding glucose tablets. Airborne may have some sugar in it, but it is more confusing than helpful to be foaming at the mouth.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

People who live in glass houses shouldn't live in glass houses. It seems very unsafe in general. Don't even get me started about earthquake safety.
I like pet shops because they let you pet the puppies. But I don't like them because 1. they are really expensive and keep the animals all caged up and 2. they never let the cats fight the chinchillas-- c'mon, let them get their energy out.
I bet Bill is hoping that Hillary wins so that he can host those tea parties. He loves to entertain the ladies.
There's no saying "Don't look a gift crocodile in the mouth" because there's not that many people that give them as gifts-- not because it doesn't apply. Maybe you should be taking notes.
I bet you a quarter that you'll bet me a quarter. Ha. I just won a dollar that I could confuse you more than I could confuse me. Oh-- dammit.
If I were "resurrected" to "save the sins of my people", I would most definitely celebrate the occasion with creme-filled eggs and clucking rabbits. And marshmallow crucifixes. And chocolate sins. And candy-coated Judases. It would be a solemn holiday filled with mourning and cavities.
I'm sure there will be a time when I accept the fact that I am growing up and it will probably be when my second great-grandchild is graduating from beauty school. I'm so proud of him.
When you start to think that you're all important and grown up, just eat some FunDip. It will teach you that even adult-type people can have blue fingers and green tongues. And that is the greatest lesson a person can learn. Maturity is overrated. Pure sugar coated in differently-colored pure sugar is underrated.
I bet the badass dentists secretly eat jawbreakers and milk duds. They're crazy.

Monday, March 05, 2007

What kind of vegetarian am I if I eat the heads off of chocolate bunnies?

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Are Jewish persecution and Jewish humor related? Did one create the other or is it a philosophical chicken-or-the-egg-first type question?
If I knew how it all would end, I would have placed money on it.
It's important in relationships for both people to share intimate things about themselves. It builds trust and after they break up may lessen the chances of blackmail.
Better to have loved and lost than never... wait, that's not it. Better to have lost and found then never to have found at all. I don't know a lot about love but I am very knowledgeable about losing things.
Looking up the weather online, the title read "Flood watch."
He looked out the window.
"Not yet," he said and continued watching.
The good thing about winter is that someone could shoot a BB into your face and you wouldn't even know it.
Pun for the Road

They are making a new material to pave Southern California that is a combination of Los Angeles' famous trees and expensive marble-- it's called palmagranite.

You're welcome.
If you have a supermodel girlfriend, be careful what you buy her at Bath and Body Works. It's a dangerous combination, hungry people and deliciously scented soaps.
 
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