Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston broke up.
A roar of celebration could be heard from thousands of deluded people around the world who for a second thought they might have a chance with either or both of them.
At least I'm in touch with reality. I know that if I wait long enough, eventually Tom Brady or Dane Cook or Jack Handey or Lyle Lovett or Theo Epstein or Jon Stewart or all of above will find me.
And I'll be ready. Well, I might need like five minutes to finish getting ready, but I'll be here.