Explain this: I keep every piece of paper ever given to me, never throw away anything I've ever written on and yet can never find the stamps I bought.

In attempting to learn to cook I discovered other things:

Learning to cook involves wasting a lot of perfectly good food.

They sell packages of bay leaves but my recipe only needs one.

I should invent a website to sell bay leaves.

I don't understand why vegetarian cookbooks have a dessert section.

Desserts (almost) never have meat in them.

I would just write in the Desserts & Sweets chapter-- "see regular cookbook"

Based on my symptoms and WebMD, I am strongly allergic to winter.

My personal summary of this morning's subway preaching:
"The End is coming! But until then I will make it seem to go on as long as possible."

You can preach about how we will all burn forever in the fire of our sins unless we accept Jesus as our savior. As long as it doesn't last more than 3 subway stops. After that, may the Lord have mercy on your soul.

Love is never having to say you're cramping my style.

Freedom is never having to explain why you carry your dog in a baby backpack.

Was George Washington the reason America has survived?
Did Abraham Lincoln change the face of the United States?
When exactly was Theodore Roosevelt born?

With all the incredible accomplishments the leaders of this great nation of have made, I seriously only get one day off? And no free birthday cake?
I thought this was America.

Little known fact--

Susan B. Anthony's favorite song: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.
Because nothing is more fun than having the right to vote.