Learning to cook is a fast easy way to waste money, ruin perfectly good food and make your kitchen into a complete mess.

I need a cookbook called "Low-Calorie, Low-Cholesterol, Reduced-Sugar, Healthy Vegetarian Meals That Taste Like Cake."

Whoever said "Too much of a good thing is wonderful" never had their own bag of popcorn at the movies.

What does my Pandora say about me when it plays "Conjunction Junction?"

One day I hope to be wealthy enough to have a large bathroom that doesn't require any of my personal belongings to be balanced on shelves above the toilet.
This is what dreams are made of.

My resolution for this year will be the hardest yet: take my own advice.
I've started making a list of all the suggestions I've given to other people in the last two weeks and I am already overwhelmed.
If it only accomplishes one thing, I will start keeping my thoughts to myself.

An unfortunate consequence of procrastination- I only ever hammer nails after 11pm.
Next year (2013) I will be a better neighbor.

Jan 1, 2012: So far this year I have watched 7 hours of television and lost a just purchased weekly T-pass.
The year can only get more productive from here!

Who we are is defined by our actions, not our words. And when I step back and look at my actions, I realize I am different than who I keep saying I am to myself.
I say I would like to learn to cook, but I never actually feel like cooking.
And I have learned by studying my actions that I am someone who buys refrigerator magnets of wise sayings with the intention of giving them as gifts and then keeps all of them for myself.